Desi weddings are more than just a grand spectacle of vibrant colors, delicious food, and loud music, it is also a sitcom.
With zany characters and a kick-ass soundtrack, accompanied by dance moves that are a chiropractor’s worst nightmare, desi weddings are a full-course meal of entertainment and cringe with a few dollops of mouth-watering deliciousness sprinkled on top.
It is that one time of the year when all your “quirky” rishtedars, as well as the dulha/dulhan‘s folks, are all put under one roof to mingle or judge each other, while the bride and groom contemplate their life choices.
From your mamu ki khala ke chachu ki beti‘s traumatizing thumkas, to your slightly racist uncle and aunties clawing each other’s eyes out over the last taang wali boti, desi weddings have all the ingredients for a more awkward sitcom than The Office.
Here are a few awkward shaadi moments we’ve all experienced at least once.
Who’s That Rishtedar?
Politicians and government officials have their personal assistants to inform them of people they meet beforehand. Unfortunately, we don’t have that privilege, and boy, do we need it.
A desi family line is more complicated than an Elven family tree from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.
The worst part is when you’re put on the spot, against your will, and asked to identify some obscure relative whom you last interacted with when you were five years old.
The best you can do is smile awkwardly and act overly surprised when they reveal who they are, even though you still have no clue.
Rishta Aunties on the Hunt for Fresh Meat
No desi wedding is complete without a rishta aunty, who is either gossiping with her crew or stalking you around the marriage hall.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a genius MBBS student, an owner of a Fortune 500 company, or just there as a random female photographer for the wedding event, rishta aunty will sneak up on you and ask the age-old question…
The Wedding Games
One of the most pointless moments at most desi weddings is the Joota Chupai game. It doesn’t get any less embarrassing whether you’re the groomsman, protecting the dulha’s “honor” or the bridesmaid stealing his cheap, knockoff Armani shoes as if they’re the latest Yeezys.
At the end of it all, you just have to sit through an awkward joota-chupai for the safe release of dulha jee’s shoes.
After all, you are the designated Ethan Hunt of this time-honored tradition of the no-holds-barred, every man and woman for themselves, the tug-of-war for who gets hold of the stinky leather contraptions that, for a brief period in time, allude to the age-old war for ascendency between the larka and larki walay. Thankfully, no shoe store has so far caught on to this trend of doing business.
Pappu Really Can’t Dance Saala
Let’s face it, your wedding dance is never going to be that scene from your favorite Bollywood/Lollywood film that you imagined it would be.
For all your weeks of choreography and hard work, your performance will be of you awkwardly flailing your arms around with a confused or constipated expression on your face.
Unless you want to be the next Dil Yeh Pukare girl or the new Chahat Fateh Ali Khan, stay off the dance floor!
Most of us fantasize about grooving with the pretties bridesmaid or handsome groomsman on the dance floor, but end up with that one khala or chacha one thumka away from a bad hip, dancing awkwardly to “Mera 24/7 Lak Hilna, Hilna, Hilna…”
A Battle Royale at the Food Line
Everyone is at their best behavior, dolled up in their fancy joras, and being “nice” to one another throughout the wedding. That is until the buffet reception is opened, and all bets are off!
Desi weddings are known for their lavish spreads of mouthwatering delicacies. But getting your hands on a plate of biryani or the las gulab jaman can get messy. The crowded food line becomes a free-for-all, with people strategically positioning themselves to get the best pickings.
Wedding Photography or NatGeo Documentary?
After all the awkward interactions and exhausting dances, all you want to do is relax and enjoy the one and only good thing at desi weddings – the buffet.
As you’re about to devour that delicious tikka boti you fought valiantly for at the chaotic food line, you hear a click and a blinding flash on your face. Congratulations your awkward mid-chew face is forever immortalized in that family wedding album. (“Thanks for that, cameraman!”)
What’s the most awkward moment you’ve ever experienced at a desi wedding? Let us know in the comments below. (Don’t be shy, this is a safe space!)
