Too often we forget that when it comes to genders, our society thinks that a man is supposed to be tough and imposing, whereas a woman should be docile and domesticated.
The truth is, as human beings, we are all capable of feeling, of achieving, of breaking glass ceilings irrespective of what gender we belong to. Men can be humane too, and there’s no shame in letting a woman take care of a household’s finances. All of us are different in our ways, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
But alas, this seems like something out of an utopia. You are more likely to come across judgmental souls who think that it is too ‘gay’ or ‘sissy’ for men to discuss their social issues, their emotions, their deepest fears, and so on. Its an attitude that has become normalized partly out of a fear over stigmatization by their male peers, or by being part of a patriarchal upbringing.
Couldn’t it be great if people were more accepting of others? By openly talking about their feelings and fears and hopes?
Today we are going to talk about exactly this. For the purposes of this post, we will be focusing mostly on burning issues that men face in a society that just expects them to take care of monetary responsibilities and trot off. Honestly, it shouldn’t be this way.
Men too have a huge responsibility when it comes to understanding and caring for the ‘fairer gender.’ In the same vein, they also need to be heard. A lot of the issues faced by men are deemed too simple, but we have to agree their lives are strenuous too.
There’s good and bad in every gender, color, and creed. Social issues faced by both men and women should be highlighted. And the only way to accomplish this is by listening to each other.
The authoritatian people who protest against raising awareness for the social issues faced by men stand for three things:
1. They are against showing sympathy for boys and men.
2. They think only women and minorities should wield power.
3. They stand against freedom of speech.— Judith (@Judith_Char) May 26, 2019
So let’s get down to some of the issues that plague desi men.
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Being the man of the house
A lot of the men are handed the responsibility of taking care of their family, whether they want it or not.
What if someone wanted to pursue their artistic career? We hear of so many people who gave up on their music, their art, singing and what not. Only because their plans were pre-determined by their parents and society.
This has to stop. Desi families need to empower men and women equally, and assign responsibilities regardless of their gender. Yes, this means having more men who have no qualms with doing the dishes and helping in household chores! This also means they have to take care of the kids too, nappies and all. There’s really no harm or shame in it.
The never-ending chase after money
Men, especially in desi households, are expected to make fortunes for their families. The burden of this responsibility forces some men to work two jobs or more.
A financially stressful life leaves them with little to no time for their family and friends. And they don’t exactly have a get-out-of-jail-free card for that either. Furthermore, it contributes to a sense of lingering insecurity and rage that ends up affecting all relationships that they have in their life.
Couldn’t it be great if our society could come around to the notion that women can be breadwinners too? And while we’re at it, women should also be allowed to work alongside men.
Stags Not Allowed
Remember that furore from a few years ago when one of the most famous malls in Pakistan, the Centaurus Mall, came up with a ridiculous rule to keep men without family out of their premises?
Believe it or not, this rule of ‘stags not allowed’ can prove to be counter-productive. However, the blame here lies on men themselves who have shown themselves to be utterly crude, uncouth and ill-mannered in public places. Women have being subjected to stares, eve-teasing, cat-calls and more by uncultured men who frequent these public places.
Pakistani men, please do better. Because today it may be select malls only. In the future, even supermarkets would not allow men without families to enter. An argument can be made for some men who should not be allowed to leave their houses and in public space. Perhaps, a little benefit of the doubt should be given to men that present themselves adequately?
https://twitter.com/alexisinfantino/status/1210428273513115648
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Sticks and stones may break my bones…
“Mard ko dard nahi hota” (men don’t feel pain) is the most ridiculous statement passed around through ages. Society has conditioned men to believe that he can never express his true emotions. So, under threat of being called a sissy, he bottles everything up. They express their emotions in codes and actions that they themselves can’t decipher.
We don’t need to tell you what happens when all those repressed emotions find an outlet.
To solve this issue, we as a society need to combat stereotypes about men being unfeeling and tough brutes. Talk to them. Be it mothers, sisters, aunts, significant others (who enter the picture much later), they all need to talk and listen to them.
Blue Vs Pink
What’s the big deal with colors you may ask? Well ask yourself this – what would you think of a guy who says they like pink? You’re going to pause right? And make snap judgments that are not too flattering?
Or, you could challenge your own assumptions about why a guy liking the color pink is not that weird at all. You could think that the color pink represents love (for oneself and others), friendship and spirituality.
But God forbid a guy likes pink, that’s a BIG NO in our desi society. The whole notion of associating colors with genders is ignorant.
Childhood Trauma
The #MeToo movement was a phenomenal event. It empowered women, like myself, all around the world.
In our part of the world, a lot of people have erroneously labeled #MeToo as a female-only movement, even going so far as to say that its a way for women to settle scores with men (see Meesha Shafi and Ali Zafar case). Nothing could be further than the truth.
We need to realize that #MeToo is also meant for men to come forward with their stories as well. Unfortunately, most of the boys that have similar childhood traumas can’t share the irreparable damage they’ve suffered. According to a research study done by Safe Horizon, 48.5% of boys go through childhood abuse. But it might take men some time to realize it is okay to step out of the preconditioned notions that have surrounded their lives.
https://twitter.com/IndefiniteDavid/status/1197187688958496769
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Do you agree that these social issues in Pakistani society need to be combated? Do you have a different stance? Let us know in the comments below!
