Dear Sana,
I’m getting married in February and my fiancé and in-laws are shopping for my furniture, post-wedding clothes, and makeup. His bhabi is bulldozing everything with her preferences and is ignoring me. When I told his mother that I would like to at least buy my makeup, his bhabi got offended and accused me of trying to swindle my fiance’s money for all the bridal preparations.
I’m worried about how dominating she is and how she is ruining my wedding already. What should I do?
Asma,
Lahore
Hi Asma
This is such a common problem in Pakistan. Families are a necessary and important part of the marriage, but their involvement can sometimes become so overwhelming that it can become hard to remember whose wedding it actually is. The good news is that once the stress of the wedding itself is over, the marriage can actually begin. That means that you and your new husband won’t always (hopefully) have people interfering and his bhabi will go back to her own routine and be less involved in yours.
With that being said, you can’t let her ruin your big day, nor do you want to alienate her as this could have repercussions for the family later. So, it’s important to communicate openly and assertively with your fiancé and his family about your wants and needs for your wedding. Let them know that while you appreciate their help but you would like to have a say in the decisions regarding your wedding preparations.
If your fiancés bhabi continues to dominate and disrespect your wishes, consider discussing the situation with him and finding a compromise or solution together.
While the old saying ‘you’re not just marrying the boy (or girl), you’re marrying a family’ may be true, it’s also important to remember that it is your wedding, not theirs, and you have the right to have a say in the decisions.
