A tweep just rated every Pakistani Chief of Army Staff (COAS) based on their hairlines while embarking on a mission to expose Pakistan Army’s ‘bias for male-patterned baldness’.
The tenure of the incumbent COAS, General Qamar Javed Bajwa, is coming to an end and the army will soon appoint a new supremo by 29 November. As civilians, we know very little about the selection and criteria process of appointing the new COAS, but one netizen seems to have discovered that hairline is a key deciding factor.
Abdullah Niazi, is a part-time journalist and ‘Babar Azam enthusiast’, who took to Twitter to share his theory with everyone in a curated thread that rated every Pakistani COAS in history based on their hairlines.
He wrote,
Rating the hairlines of every Army Chief Pakistan has ever had, starting with Ayub Khan, to prove that the army has always been biased against male-patterned baldness.
Rating the hairlines of every Army Chief Pakistan has ever had, starting with Ayub Khan, to prove that the army has always been biased against male-patterned baldness {THREAD}
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Let’s begin the list!
Ayub Khan — 6/10
Muhammad Ayub Khan was Pakistan’s second president who seized premiership from Iskander Mirza in a coup in 1958. He gets a six because we “can’t realistically call him ganja“.
Niazi pointed out Khan’s receding hairline and added that he “could have built an entire phase of DHA on that forehead”.
Ayub Khan. Definitely receding. Could have built an entire phase of DHA on that forehead. However, not what you would call 'safa chatt'. Enough hair to make-do and generally good looking. Can't realistically call him a ganja. 6/10 pic.twitter.com/MU2dcOIj0B
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Musa Khan — 7/10
General Muhammad Musa Khan was a senior general who served as the fourth Commander-in-Chief of the Pakistan Army from 1958 to 1966. The tweep suggested that he had a good head of hair but was the victim of a bad haircut.
General Musa Khan. I thought for a second that this was a comb-over, but a detailed analysis of other pictures proves that it is just a case of a bad haircut. Otherwise a pretty full head of hair. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/zI77TDme6C
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Yahya Khan — 7.5/10
General Agha Muhammad Yahya Khan served concurrently as Commander-in-Chief and President from 25 March 1969 until his resignation on 20 December 1971. According to Niazi, the general’s iconic eyebrows were enough for us to ignore his war crimes.
War crimes aside, you cannot fault the man for his hair. Rumour has it that he couldn’t grow a mustache and used to curl the ends of his luscious eyebrows instead.
You can see why Bhutto didn’t get along with him.
General Yahya Khan. War crimes aside, cannot fault the man for his hair. You can see why Bhutto didn't get along with him. Rumour has it he couldn't grow a mustache, which is why he used to curl the ends of his luscious eyebrows instead. 7.5/10 pic.twitter.com/aTHAyogJHY
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Gul Hassan Khan — 8.5/10
Gul Hassan Khan, was the sixth and the last Commander-in-Chief of the Pakistan Army to serve under President Zulfikar Ali Bhutto from 20 December 1971 until 3 March 1972.
The three-star general had possibly “the best head of hair”.
Lt General Gul Hassan Khan. Only three-star to head Pakistan's army yet possibly the best head of hair. Definitely some thinning but none of us are perfect. 8.5/10 pic.twitter.com/rpVQv9lgTD
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Tikka Khan — 6/10
Pakistan’s first official COAS was rarely seen without a cap and gets the same ratings as Ayub Khan.
General Tikka Khan. Can't find a hatless picture of him, but this one from old age shows he did go the comb-over route. That said, not the baldest man I've ever seen by a stretch. Same marks as Ayub. 6/10 pic.twitter.com/eRbHqCkkxR
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Zia-ul-Haq – 6.5/10
He is probably one of the most iconic and infamous COAS’s in Pakistan’s history. Sadly, Niazi “couldn’t find any aerial photographs to confirm a halo” at the top of the four-star general’s head.
General Zia. A tough one. Definitely some hair loss from the front but cannot seem to find any aerial photographs to confirm a halo at the top of the head. Very dubious, but once again hair is hair. 6.5/10 pic.twitter.com/TY2WNZS7hC
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Mirza Aslam Baig – 8/10
General Mirza Aslam Baig. Trying to not hold his face against him in the final marks was difficult, but you have to hand it to him. Having this much hair after your 40s is no easy task. His pictures next to General Durrani really put things in perspective. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/68Acto3ynd
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Asif Nawaz Janjua – 2/10
Given General Asif Nawaz Janjua’s receding hairline, it is easy to see why Nawaz Sharif appointed him. Pakistan’s fourth COAS got the worst rating by the netizen, which seems harsher than the arsenic poisoning he suffered from.
Gen Asif Nawaz Janjua. Rarely pictured without his hat, appointed by Mian Nawaz probably so the two could bond over being follicly challenged. Clearly trying a comb-over which is not working out for him. Said to have died of a heart-attack when 10 hairs fell in one day. 2/10 pic.twitter.com/7YS46PLXC3
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Abdul Waheed Kakar – 1.5/10
If Asif Nawaz Janjua’s hairline was bad, General Abdul Waheed Kakar’s was worse. The tweep hilariously joked that “his appointment may have been part of the continued efforts to uplift bald officers.”
General Abdul Waheed Kakar. This picture from up-top shows serious hair loss. His appointment may have been part of the continued efforts to uplift bald officers. 1.5/10 pic.twitter.com/c22GoMdFAd
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Jehangir Karamat – 6.5/10
General Jehangir Karamat. Definite hair loss, but then again few are blessed enough to avoid this fate entirely. Had enough hair to be fired by Mian Nawaz. 6.5/10 pic.twitter.com/v4sKSEVQlA
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Pervez Musharraf – 9.5/10
Of all the generals on this list, Pervez Musharraf stands head and shoulder above the rest with a thick and luscious head of hair.
General Pervez Musharraf. Constitutional abrogation asides, what a brilliant head of hair. Added points for the few strands of white he always left in the front. No signs of hair loss. Gorgeous. Only complaint is that he never grew his hair out. 9.5/10 pic.twitter.com/roqqzy8cN0
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Ashfaq Parvez Kayani – 0/10
On the opposite spectrum of the scale is General Kayani who had even lesser hair than the PML-N Chairman, Nawaz Sharif!
General Kiyani. Possibly the baldest COAS we've ever had. Pictured here, Mian Nawaz might even have felt bad for him. Disgraceful. 0/10/ pic.twitter.com/2zT57uqcVr
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Raheel Sharif – 8/10
General Raheel Sharif. Possibly an over-correction from General Kiyani. Full head of hair, although no aerial photographs available to determine state of halo. Thank you to him for all his hair. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/aGBLMbht2e
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Qamar Javed Bajwa – 6.5/10
Finally, we have the current COAS, General Bajwa. Interestingly, Niazi is not a fan of his nose.
General Bajwa. He has hair, sure, but now that he only has a few days left, is anyone going to talk about that nose?? Holy hell the man needs help how does he breathe through that thing. 6.5/10 (for hair only) pic.twitter.com/sT7zOLtOin
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022
Asim Munir – 4/10
General Asim Munir’s recent appointment seems to suggest that the Pakistan Army is returning to the familiar “brand of balder chiefs”.
General Asim Munir. Perhaps a return to the balder brand of chiefs we've had? Clearly balding, clearly trying a comb-over, clearly failing, clearly having a hard time. Good luck to him. 4/10 pic.twitter.com/PpoYGedCdn
— Abdullah Niazi (@BabarEnthusiast) November 25, 2022