Netizen Rates Every Pakistan COAS Based on Their Hairlines

Does the Pakistan Army have a bias for male-patterned baldness?

By Sher Alam | 11:41 pm | Nov 25, 2022

A tweep just rated every Pakistani Chief of Army Staff (COAS) based on their hairlines while embarking on a mission to expose Pakistan Army’s ‘bias for male-patterned baldness’.

The tenure of the incumbent COAS, General Qamar Javed Bajwa, is coming to an end and the army will soon appoint a new supremo by 29 November. As civilians, we know very little about the selection and criteria process of appointing the new COAS, but one netizen seems to have discovered that hairline is a key deciding factor.

ALSO READ

Abdullah Niazi, is a part-time journalist and ‘Babar Azam enthusiast’, who took to Twitter to share his theory with everyone in a curated thread that rated every Pakistani COAS in history based on their hairlines.

📢 For the latest Entertainment news, videos and gossip join Lens WhatsApp Group now!

He wrote,

Rating the hairlines of every Army Chief Pakistan has ever had, starting with Ayub Khan, to prove that the army has always been biased against male-patterned baldness.

Let’s begin the list!

Ayub Khan — 6/10

Muhammad Ayub Khan was Pakistan’s second president who seized premiership from Iskander Mirza in a coup in 1958. He gets a six because we “can’t realistically call him ganja“.

coas
Ayub Khan

Niazi pointed out Khan’s receding hairline and added that he “could have built an entire phase of DHA on that forehead”.

Musa Khan — 7/10

General Muhammad Musa Khan was a senior general who served as the fourth Commander-in-Chief of the Pakistan Army from 1958 to 1966. The tweep suggested that he had a good head of hair but was the victim of a bad haircut.

Yahya Khan — 7.5/10

General Agha Muhammad Yahya Khan served concurrently as Commander-in-Chief and President from 25 March 1969 until his resignation on 20 December 1971. According to Niazi, the general’s iconic eyebrows were enough for us to ignore his war crimes.

Yahya Khan

War crimes aside, you cannot fault the man for his hair. Rumour has it that he couldn’t grow a mustache and used to curl the ends of his luscious eyebrows instead.

You can see why Bhutto didn’t get along with him.

ALSO READ

Gul Hassan Khan — 8.5/10

Gul Hassan Khan, was the sixth and the last Commander-in-Chief of the Pakistan Army to serve under President Zulfikar Ali Bhutto from 20 December 1971 until 3 March 1972.

The three-star general had possibly “the best head of hair”.

Tikka Khan — 6/10

Pakistan’s first official COAS was rarely seen without a cap and gets the same ratings as Ayub Khan.

ALSO READ

Zia-ul-Haq – 6.5/10

He is probably one of the most iconic and infamous COAS’s in Pakistan’s history. Sadly, Niazi “couldn’t find any aerial photographs to confirm a halo” at the top of the four-star general’s head.

Mirza Aslam Baig – 8/10

Asif Nawaz Janjua – 2/10

Given General Asif Nawaz Janjua’s receding hairline, it is easy to see why Nawaz Sharif appointed him. Pakistan’s fourth COAS got the worst rating by the netizen, which seems harsher than the arsenic poisoning he suffered from.

Abdul Waheed Kakar – 1.5/10

If Asif Nawaz Janjua’s hairline was bad, General Abdul Waheed Kakar’s was worse. The tweep hilariously joked that “his appointment may have been part of the continued efforts to uplift bald officers.”

Jehangir Karamat – 6.5/10

ALSO READ

Pervez Musharraf – 9.5/10

Of all the generals on this list, Pervez Musharraf stands head and shoulder above the rest with a thick and luscious head of hair.

Ashfaq Parvez Kayani – 0/10

On the opposite spectrum of the scale is General Kayani who had even lesser hair than the PML-N Chairman, Nawaz Sharif!

Raheel Sharif – 8/10

Qamar Javed Bajwa – 6.5/10

Finally, we have the current COAS, General Bajwa. Interestingly, Niazi is not a fan of his nose.

ALSO READ

Asim Munir – 4/10

General Asim Munir’s recent appointment seems to suggest that the Pakistan Army is returning to the familiar “brand of balder chiefs”.